I'm scared to change.
I fear that I might have changed the way I used to be. The way I talked, laughed, behaved in front of people. I used to be so simple, shy and quiet. What I have become? Loud, cheeky and straight-forward. Well, I accept who I am but I believe I have changed dramatically.
I became someone who wishes to become the person I was before.
My life was in such order and peace in which I was capable of thinking with a clear mind.
My life is in such disorder and chaos in which I am even unable to see what's in front of me.
How could it have happened?
My body, mind and soul are no longer in one unit. Today I got sick and had to cancel going out with friends for the Japan Day in Düsseldorf which I was looking forward to sooo much!! Was I really that sick or did I have other things in mind...?
My mind was full of tears, desperate not knowing what to be thinking about and how to sort out some feelings which pile up recently. Have I lost focus on what is important in life and what is irrelevant...?
My soul is distressed and uneasy. Circles drawn instead of straight lines. How am I going to see what is right or wrong...?
I need time and peace. I need to calm down and sort my feelings out. I need help, though, I can't really expect any help from my friends...
Or is it just that I feel lonely being the only one left behind and forgotten in the world...?
Lovely Kimmy~
Maybe you are really forgotten in the world but maaayyybe not. Just keep your head up high. Now you're down and don't feel good just if you tried an awful lot of times owning a level in a game.
ReplyDeleteBut HEY! if you're at level 0 you can't, you just simply can't, fall back to level -100! Am I right ^^
I know I exaggerated, but it's kinda true I guess :) Moments will definitely come, when the time is right and when you don't expect them. :] And then maybe you the right moment comes and you reach level 99999999 :DDD
If you change, then you change. Plants changes a lot, too. Like flowers. From summer to autumn they loose their beauty but from winter to spring they bloom to really awesome beauties. Maybe changes are part of our lives and we schould accept them and should "love the way we are" hihihhi
Friends who can't cope with that aren't friends but hypocrites!!!
Moreover, you have appr. 70 years to live so in this timespan many things will happen in your live. I swear on my puppy lol :))
To put it in a nutshell: YOU'RE NOT A GHOST IN A MACHINE!!! but a bulb in the ground ;)
Drink Positive! Lipton Ice***! I mean THINK positive ^^ Just kidding <3
I hope my comment cheered you up a little bit. If not.... I failed TT.TT
Lots of <3<3<3<3<3<3
999999999999999999*xxx to North-Rhine Westphalia ;D
Your cousine BanhBao :-***
You know, change doesn't necessarily mean something bad. I feel like it depends on how you handle that change. Because change will always be part of your life and sometimes it's hard to realize just HOW much you changed. But despite any change, well, you'll always be - you. Just different facets of yourself if you know what I mean :)
ReplyDeleteI like the straight-forward you.
I like the always-happy-always-smiling you.
I like the cheeky you.
I like that you question things.
Life's not always easy and I know you feel like you're all alone with nobody to guide you and assist you through that weird and difficult time of your life, but never forget that there'll always be people who'll love you regardless of any change. You may think that some people can change so drastically that you can't even seem to know them anymore, but for some people it's different. For family, for friends. I don't think you could ever make me...not like you. Because as cheesy as it sounds, you'll always be part of me (ewwww, so cheeeeesy!) and I'll accept and like you for whoever you're going to be in the future.
I'll always be there for you. I'll be making lame jokes and say stupid stuff and hope you'll laugh. Don't feel down and know that despite all these stupid phases where everything seems to go wrong, it'll always be a phase. Something that won't last. Something that you'll be able to overcome. It'll take time, but you can do it! Because you're one mighty strong woman. WOTCHAAA!! And don't let other people tell you otherwise.
Just follow your heart and you'll see it'll turn out alright. It's your life and it's too short to be all depressed. Kopf hoch! You can do it :D Just think of your dorky family and know that we'll never let you down. We may be strange and annoying to you at times, but oh well, it's something you can't change...WE ARE FAMILY :D wohahahah! WHAT NOW?!?! Oh well, jk.
Feel better, dork.
I heart you and miss you.
ps. HA. Feel free to ignore all the things I repeated (over and over and over);)
Woah, how could I ever match up with the previous comments?! It seems to me that you have such great friends that love the way you are. Well, I've only seen the 'cheeky' side so can't really judge on the changes you went through, but that side was enough to make me your friend ^~^ Hope you aren't as depressed as you are in your blog!
ReplyDelete<3 from N.America!!